Identity, Dating and Marriage
Young women today have their identities misplaced. We have for years been taught there’s a certain way we’re supposed to behave, a certain way we’re supposed to look, an image we’re supposed to obtain and even how you’re supposed to marry.
Your identity is none of these things. Our identity and becoming anchored in our identity is a process we go through, who we are, what we want to be, what we will reflect to others.
Is our identity a reflection of the glory of God. Are we “living epistles?” Is our identity in Christ? If it is it will solidify how we live our lives, what we want from our lives, who we allow in our inner circles, who we allow access to our hearts. We must go through a process, typically in our young 20’s, of digging for ourselves and find out who God really is and what the gospel really is. When we have revelation of these two things we find our identity in Jesus Christ, as His beloved.
Every day we must wake up, if necessary, and remind ourselves God loves us, God forgives us, I don’t have to walk in shame, I have been redeemed through Christ and I am a new creation in Christ Jesus because the Bible says I have and the Bible says I am.
The difficult angle to this is we must be willing to work on ourselves and work on ourselves on a daily basis. We must be willing to stop making excuses for the changes we don’t make and find out what the Bible says about us and walk accordingly. We must be willing to surround ourselves with others who will help us grow into this new place in the Lord, others that will encourage us and hold us accountable to the standard of the Word of God.
Shifting gears for a moment, let’s talk about who young women may or may not decide to marry and how that relates to two different things, 1) Where our identity lies, and; 2) family/societal pressures.
There is so much more to relationships overall and especially marriage than what examples in our life have shown us and also what we have imagined in our own minds of marriage to be like. A lot of young women have such identity problems and as a result they look toward “things” to fulfill their identity’s instead of looking to the one thing that can fulfill their identity. That unfortunately leaves a gaping hole in the hearts of young women and they then rely on outside relationships and their future spouse to come in and patch up that hole which is only setting those around them up for failure in their eyes. Something that is so needed when it comes to dating and marriage today is discernment from the Holy Spirit on any relationship you pursue. Always, always even in the midst of a relationship that seems to be going good, stop and ask God to show you any truths you are missing, ask God to reveal any hidden things that you should see. When He does, when a red flag rises up, please, please take note and step back! A disagreement is not a red flag but a pattern of behavior that is not healthy IS a red flag. These two things can spare you a lot of heartache, letting the Holy Spirit guide you in any relationship and then also responding to what He may show you. Trust yourself that yes you are seeing a red flag and yes you should run instead of feeling bad for the person and staying in a toxic relationship you should have left.
Allow people to be voices in your life that can recognize or see something you may not see in a dating relationship and trust them when they say something you may not want to hear. It’s a necessity to have people in your life that are already where you want to be, especially in relationships. Seek out a mentor that has a solid marriage, a Godly marriage. There’s a difference between approval and accountability in regards to the people we have invited to be a voice in our lives.
To realize it’s not the right choice after you marry is a very difficult path to walk out. I have talked with quite a few young women that have tossed accountability out the window and chosen to marry someone that they probably shouldn’t have. Each one of these woman who have then have significant heartache in said marriage have all said there were red flags either others pointed out to them or they themselves ignored when they were dating. These women were looking for that affirmation that we should receive from the Lord in their relationships instead. This is one area of life you don’t want to settle in. I have said many times and to many young women “you would be much better off being single the rest of your life than looking across the table one day realizing you settled in your marriage.” Settling in who you choose to marry is not fair to yourself and the destiny God placed in you AND it’s not fair to the person you settled in marriage with. Two lives have been robbed.
If you are still single it is such an amazing opportunity to heal in the wounded areas of your heart BEFORE marriage instead of bringing all that stuff into your marriage and making your spouse pay the penalty for wounds they never inflicted on you. It genuinely is such an advantage to be a single young woman who pursues and anchors herself in who God says she is and then turns and reaches for her future spouse. While you are working on you pray that God is also doing a work on the man you will one day marry! You want him to have found his identity in God and not reach for and marry you to affirm who and what he is in and to the world. The healthy you step in to your marriage, the healthy your marriage will be!
Your identity is none of these things. Our identity and becoming anchored in our identity is a process we go through, who we are, what we want to be, what we will reflect to others.
Is our identity a reflection of the glory of God. Are we “living epistles?” Is our identity in Christ? If it is it will solidify how we live our lives, what we want from our lives, who we allow in our inner circles, who we allow access to our hearts. We must go through a process, typically in our young 20’s, of digging for ourselves and find out who God really is and what the gospel really is. When we have revelation of these two things we find our identity in Jesus Christ, as His beloved.
Every day we must wake up, if necessary, and remind ourselves God loves us, God forgives us, I don’t have to walk in shame, I have been redeemed through Christ and I am a new creation in Christ Jesus because the Bible says I have and the Bible says I am.
The difficult angle to this is we must be willing to work on ourselves and work on ourselves on a daily basis. We must be willing to stop making excuses for the changes we don’t make and find out what the Bible says about us and walk accordingly. We must be willing to surround ourselves with others who will help us grow into this new place in the Lord, others that will encourage us and hold us accountable to the standard of the Word of God.
Shifting gears for a moment, let’s talk about who young women may or may not decide to marry and how that relates to two different things, 1) Where our identity lies, and; 2) family/societal pressures.
There is so much more to relationships overall and especially marriage than what examples in our life have shown us and also what we have imagined in our own minds of marriage to be like. A lot of young women have such identity problems and as a result they look toward “things” to fulfill their identity’s instead of looking to the one thing that can fulfill their identity. That unfortunately leaves a gaping hole in the hearts of young women and they then rely on outside relationships and their future spouse to come in and patch up that hole which is only setting those around them up for failure in their eyes. Something that is so needed when it comes to dating and marriage today is discernment from the Holy Spirit on any relationship you pursue. Always, always even in the midst of a relationship that seems to be going good, stop and ask God to show you any truths you are missing, ask God to reveal any hidden things that you should see. When He does, when a red flag rises up, please, please take note and step back! A disagreement is not a red flag but a pattern of behavior that is not healthy IS a red flag. These two things can spare you a lot of heartache, letting the Holy Spirit guide you in any relationship and then also responding to what He may show you. Trust yourself that yes you are seeing a red flag and yes you should run instead of feeling bad for the person and staying in a toxic relationship you should have left.
Allow people to be voices in your life that can recognize or see something you may not see in a dating relationship and trust them when they say something you may not want to hear. It’s a necessity to have people in your life that are already where you want to be, especially in relationships. Seek out a mentor that has a solid marriage, a Godly marriage. There’s a difference between approval and accountability in regards to the people we have invited to be a voice in our lives.
To realize it’s not the right choice after you marry is a very difficult path to walk out. I have talked with quite a few young women that have tossed accountability out the window and chosen to marry someone that they probably shouldn’t have. Each one of these woman who have then have significant heartache in said marriage have all said there were red flags either others pointed out to them or they themselves ignored when they were dating. These women were looking for that affirmation that we should receive from the Lord in their relationships instead. This is one area of life you don’t want to settle in. I have said many times and to many young women “you would be much better off being single the rest of your life than looking across the table one day realizing you settled in your marriage.” Settling in who you choose to marry is not fair to yourself and the destiny God placed in you AND it’s not fair to the person you settled in marriage with. Two lives have been robbed.
If you are still single it is such an amazing opportunity to heal in the wounded areas of your heart BEFORE marriage instead of bringing all that stuff into your marriage and making your spouse pay the penalty for wounds they never inflicted on you. It genuinely is such an advantage to be a single young woman who pursues and anchors herself in who God says she is and then turns and reaches for her future spouse. While you are working on you pray that God is also doing a work on the man you will one day marry! You want him to have found his identity in God and not reach for and marry you to affirm who and what he is in and to the world. The healthy you step in to your marriage, the healthy your marriage will be!
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